She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize