so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
