Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My bed smells like the plague
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