I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
