i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I am midnight drunk by noon
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
