the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
