Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
