and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
smell my finger.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
