I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
