If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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