Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
