There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
