Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
