Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
