I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
