i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
