I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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