two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
