Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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