Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
