We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
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You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
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woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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