I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
