just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
