i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
