i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
