He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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