It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
