im drinking this country out of the recession.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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