Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
