You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
