your room smells of hookers.
And success
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
this will be a night to untag.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of a bidet.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize