Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
