can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
