Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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