Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
