Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
A bitchslap is in order.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
