you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
