so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
