I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
