My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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