Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
