i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
