You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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