you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize