Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
