do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
