i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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