I am in a vortex of obligation.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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