YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.