If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.