I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex