I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.