So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I have peed in a lot of sinks