I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.