I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"