i just wanna soil my oats bro
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
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This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
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But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.