I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
