how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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