Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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