It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
