I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize