I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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