ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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