i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She tied me up with her honor cords...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
