Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
