Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
