why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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