I think i sorta joined a cult last night
can u get pink eye on your cock?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
