I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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