Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize