I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
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You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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